The Power of Forgiveness

Forgiving others who have deeply hurt me…. that’s a tough one to grapple with. I do basically believe that people do the best they can with where they are at. I also believe that when someone hurts someone, they usually don’t really understand the repercussions of the pain they have caused. Many times, I believe people are busy being centered and focused on themselves and their own perspectives and don’t necessarily even have the ability to see another’s perspective. If this is true, how could they really understand what they have done? We do this disability training where we show a picture to a room of teachers. Almost always half the room sees one image and half the room sees another in the same photo. And no matter what you do, you can't get people to see it differently than the image they first saw. Perception is a powerful thing.

It has occurred to me that carrying around resentments for me is a type of conceit. If I resent others that means I am saying I too should not have the right to be wrong. You have just as much right to make mistakes as I do. How can I judge your motives if I don’t even understand my own at times? Whatever you did or said, you most likely did the best you could at that given moment in time and if I am so critical I can’t forgive you, then what’s that say about my mistakes? How can I expect God or others to forgive me if I can’t forgive you?

When I’m hurt, I do my best to just look at my part of it and take responsibility - keeping my own side of the street clean. It always comes back to “serenity to accept the things I can’t change, power to change the things I can”. I can’t change you or make you see something differently but I can address my part in it. And almost always, if I’m honest, I have a part in it somewhere. I need to clean that up before I can even begin to judge you and your part. That for me feels incredibly empowering and reminds me I have a choice to be brave. I’m not the victim anymore. There's so much freedom in that.

The times I really struggle and can’t forgive or see my part it’s usually because I can’t let go of how I thought things should go. If that’s the case, then I’m not trusting that something bigger runs the show. I'm assuming I know what's best for everyone involved. If I’m stewing over the fact it didn’t go my way and I’m mad at you, then I must still think I’m in charge of the bigger picture. That’s an ugly place to be. And when I’m on that path, it feels like life just continues to hold me down. I feel oppressed. More and more, it’s become just a useless place to be.

When I can forgive….. when I can let go of how I thought it should go or what you should have done, I get my freedom back. I feel I too am forgiven for all my transgressions and the heaviness is lifted. I suddenly have the love I need in my heart to be the person I was intended to be. I have the lightness and energy I need to do what I was called to do for others. Sometimes I think we just need to crack ourselves wide open and see that we all look the same on the inside. Then we can have the peace in our souls we need to carry on.

And on those days where all the aforementioned reasoning isn’t working and I’m hanging on too tight, stuck in fear, I remember the single thing that motivates me to be brave..... my boys. How do I teach them to forgive others and themselves if I can’t? The bottom line is that I can preach all I want about lessons they should learn and all the rules they should follow but how they really understand and take a lesson into thier heart ...… is by watching me. The lessons that will stick with them forever are the ones they gain from watching examples. My life needs to be their living lesson. And that’s not something I can fake. They have to see the real deal being lived out…everyday. So I continue to try because I want them to know that same gift, the gift of freedom that comes from the power of forgiveness.